“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” – Lin Yutang
“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”
― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain They till you see specks dispersing Their? – It’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies. ”
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road
Today, I sit in a sterile laboratory. I watch the clouds through the window, and I am jealous… and they just drift. It is time for me to leave, but I feel stuck.
Last night I had some stimulating conversations about love and other things. I spoke with a man who was going through his second divorce. The contexts of those conversations must have resonated with me and the words of last night penetrated my dreams. I woke this morning in the foggy haze of a hangover, and as I lay there aching and sweating, I contemplated the mans words. He spoke of how he doesn’t believe that we are capable of being satisfied by only one person. He admitted that his infidelities were problematic for his marriages, but that he could not lie to himself and fake his satisfaction with marriage. He also stated that he still loved his exes.
I woke this morning with a few things in my head. They were floating around in the haze of my hangover. I had the realization that love is often considered a failure because we all have an idea of what we think love should be. We put expectations on love instead of accepting it for whichever form it takes. We also consider love a failure because a relationship ends, or feelings change. I don’t believe this either. Sometimes the best love doesn’t last. But, It will always have its own special moment in time and space.
This quote has begun to make so much sense in time: “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ― Tom Robbins
So, today I woke up with an appreciation for all my past lovers, the times we shared, and the gift of love that they gave me, even if it was for just a little while. Thinking of them makes me happy: I think of the love I am capable of having, and the love I may find in the future.
It is Spring, indeed, and the doors are open. I am young, I am happy, and I am healthy. I am free. Peace.